QUIZ: How Much of a Marites Are You?

Scientists have discovered four species of Chismosis Maritenesis: Budding, Platinum, Semi-Grade, and Special Grade. Which one are you?

A personality suddenly posts a controversial piece on “breaking their silence.” What’s the first thing you do?

Scroll past it. Don’t have time for local drama.

Read it in full to know the tea ASAP.

Tag/send it to my bestie so we can discuss the contents in depth.

Screenshot baka kasi burahin. #Receipts

When celebrities and personalities post “patama” about each other, what’s your next move?

Google the issue for a deep dive. Informed chismis, you know?

Follow both on social media and turn on my notifs so I don’t miss anything.

You're too busy answering messages from your friends asking if it's real.

Read the group chat silently because your friends are already discussing it.

How much time do you spend digging through chismis online?

10-15 minutes

1 hour including group chat conferences

An entire day because you keep going back to it.

30 minutes

A showbiz news portal dropped a scandalous blind item that immediately went viral and had everyone guessing. You:

Send it to a friend who you know can help you solve it.

Go on Twitter and believe the blind item is whoever’s name is trending.

Immediately know who the blind item is. Duh, I’ve got my sources.

Have a name in mind but you dig through the internet determined to find out.

You see a familiar celebrity pair walking the streets of Baguio or HHWW together at a mall. You:

Snap a photo to post on socmed captioned: “Guys si [NAME] at [NAME] to diba?”

Ignore them because celebrities deserve to live a normal life too.

Walk up to them to ask for a photo for solid proof that they were actually together.

Relay the story to the group chat. But you don't have evidence.

You realize that it’s been a while since you’ve seen your neighbor’s daughter. Before that, you saw her walking the streets with a guy. You:

Ask the mom directly where her daughter is. Possibly insert a pregnancy joke. #PowerMove

Casually ask your other neighbors if they’ve seen the daughter recently. Plant the seed of chismis.

Think that the girl is just busy and what do you care?

Immediately assume she’s pregnant and is hiding the baby bump.

You suspect a couple broke up since you haven’t seen their cheesy, #RelationshipGoals selfies in a while. What do you do?

Message the group chat to ask your friends if the couple broke up.

Stalk both parties to find out when they last posted about each other.

You didn’t even notice they stopped posting selfies together.

Message both the couple to find out the truth from those involved themselves.

BREAKING: Netizens find “solid proof” that Celebrity G cheated on Celebrity B with Celebrity J. What’s your caption when you share this juicy news on social media?

“@[FRIEND] anong masasabi mo sa idol mo?”

“I knew it! That’s why they were too close that one time on set.”

“This is news? Journalism is dead.”

“‘Di na ‘yan bago! Kung alam n’yo lang dating history ni G di na kayo magugulat."

You caught your friend’s partner cozying up with someone else at a cafe. What’s your next course of action?

Call your friend to come to the cafe without telling them the reason why. Let the fun begin.

Walk over there and demand for an explanation. Maybe throw water in their faces because you’re dramatic like that.

Discreetly take a photo and send it to your friend.

Keep quiet and assume it’s just another friend because who are you to judge, right?

Your reaction to a famous personality you like being involved in a scandal: 

“Don’t believe this. I have credible source saying these are false accusations. Kung kailan sikat saka sisiraan?”

“LOL. I like his work as an actor, not his personal life.”

“FAKE NEWS. Everyone in my fandom says so.”

“Guys, give them the benefit of the doubt. Two sides to a story, remember?”

Your Facebook friend shared a post subtly shading someone who never paid them back from the money they borrowed. You:

Fire up the group chat by sending a screenshot of the post.

Post a comment: “HALA KILALA KO ‘TO!” to stir the pot.

Reshare with caption: “Mahiya naman yung nangutang d’yan! Tinakasan mo na nga si @[FRIEND], tatakasan mo parin ‘to?”

Scroll past while saying, “This is why hindi ako nagpapautang.”

And finally, once the latest juicy chismis breaks, where do you go to find out more of the news?

Your friends in the group chat

GMA News, ABS-CBN News, Rappler

Whatever washes up on your news feed

Tiktok, Twitter, Facebook, Reddit

Special Grade Marites

Congratulations, you’re a Special Grade Marites a.k.a. the Chismosis Maritenesis’ final form. (You should be scared.)

Instead of just reading about the piping hot tea, you take the extra step of leaving comments on social media. You go to the accounts of those involved and you turn on your notifications so nothing will be missed. You’re also a keyboard warrior who loves to share your (unsolicited) opinions about the latest drama. As a Special Grade Keyboard Warrior Marites (dangerous combo), everyone comes to you for chika whenever a huge controversy explodes. You, an all-knowing being, were just born to eat chismis for breakfast.

Once again, you should be scared.

Semi-Grade Marites

Congratulations, you’re a Semi-Grade Marites — second to the highest evolution of the Chismosis Maritenesis.

You don’t look for the tea, the tea comes to you. Semi-Grade Mariteses often start group chat messages with “Nakita mo ba yung post ni…?” or “Huy beh may chika ako!” if you’re face to face. You’re even so bold as to directly tag your friends under the scandalous post. To your credit, you love a good chismis but you chismis responsibly. Sometimes you actually analyze the situation because what are these blown-up dramas if not life lessons from other people’s mistakes?

Premium Marites

Congratulations, you’re a Premium Marites!

It’s the most basic from, an upgrade from the Budding Marites but lower than the Special Grade and Semi-Grade Mariteses. You like to know the tea for the sake of being informed. (Also because it’s everyone’s topic on your timeline.) And if a particular tea is too good, you mostly just talk about it in the confines of a group chat.

Budding Marites

Congratulations, you’re only a Budding Marites.

Right now, you’re content to know the tea but you also have the willpower to ignore it. Thanks to your friends, you get updates on this week’s news of Who Cheated on Whom. But inside of you is a Marites waiting to be freed from her cage of modesty. One day, the right chismis will unlock your inner Marites but for now you embody the quote “Ignorance is bliss.”