What Type of Sisterfriend Are You?

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A milestone birthday is coming up for one of your girlfriends. You decide to:

Pick her up on her birthday day and ensure she’s properly cared for.

Buy all the party favors: bottles, decorations, and of course, a one-of-a-kind gift that makes her feel cared for and loved.

Recall that unique item she mentioned a couple of months ago in passing and see if you can get it for her as a gift.

Coordinate the squad to celebrate her: nothing high-key but a fun girl’s night vibe.

A girlfriend tells you that a mutual friend is going through a really tough time, they haven’t brought it up to you yet, but you want to do something. You decide to:

Send them a bouquet with a card that recites one of your favorite authors, scriptures, or inspirational quotes.

Schedule a movie night with them. Something to get their mind off the issue while also making a beautiful memory.

Call the friend to catch up. You’re not planning on mentioning what you heard, but you want to make space for them to know you love them.

Ask them straight up, “Do you need me to fight anybody?”

A friend texts you, “Let’s go to dinner” What’s your response?

“I’m down for whatever.”

“Okay, let me see where we can get a reservation.”

“You sure you don’t want to just order in and watch a movie?”

“Can we go to a place with a dance floor and a bar?”

One aspect of friendship you applaud yourself for is

My friends know they can talk to me and trust me to be open.

My friends are always telling me that I make them feel appreciated, and that’s because I love them more than I can convey.

I have a lot of friends that I’ve known for years. No matter the amount of time or space, my friendships have endured.

I’m proud that I put myself out there regarding friendships. Whether they are everlasting or for a season, I’ve maintained an openness to making friends.

In the group chat, you’re the friend who

You’re watching and observing the group. You like to text folks individually based on what you see in the group chat.

Usually isn’t saying much but is “heart-ing” or “thumbs-upping everyone’s responses to let the group know you’re following along.

Typically starts the conversation thread off. You just heard, saw, or thought something that you just had to share with the group.

Often sending the hottest of hot takes. You’re also no stranger to the one-minute plus voice note to “say what you need to say.”

Your philosophy on friendship is

Friends are the family you choose.

If you can’t be real with your friends, who can you be real with?

We’re stronger together than we are apart.

They take work, but they’re worth it.

You’ve had to end a friendship because

People were being fake, phony, and untrue.

You felt like you kept showing up by yourself.

It was simply time for that friendship to come to an end. We’d grown into different people, and that’s okay.

People stopped inviting you out, and you felt the distance.

One hard lesson you had to learn about friendship was

It’s not your job to fix everything.

You can’t care more about other people than they care about themselves.

People can’t read your mind.

Everyone is not ready for your version of the truth.

Your friend group would describe you as the following:

“She’s never given up on us.”

“She brings us a perspective that we wouldn’t otherwise have.”

“I just feel like we wouldn’t be friends without her.”

“She’s the funniest person on the planet, I swear.”

Think about one of the friend groups you belong to. Now answer the following question, “I’m usually the one to”

Make it “a thing” - I want everyone to know our time together really matters.

Make space for individual time. As much as we love being together, we also need time apart.

Make sure we all make it together. No one gets left behind.

Make sure we have a good time. It’s a party when the crew gets together.

If you had to choose a song to describe your feelings about your friends, you’d be dancing to which lyric?

“Cause we are sisters, we stand together.”- Cheetah Sistas by The Cheetah Girls

“That’s my best friend, she a real bad b*****” - Best Friend Saweetie ft. Doja Cat

“A friendship that will never end” - Count on Me by Whitney Houston and CeCe Winans

“No foes, real friends, we ain’t even got to pretend, yeah “- The Carters

Something in your friend group that you might find hard to talk about is

Feeling pressured and not wanting to let them down.

Feeling like people aren’t taking you seriously.

Feeling like you care more about this friendship than they do.

Feeling misunderstood and invisible.

In your friend group, you feel appreciated in a conversational setting when

People ask you questions.

People remember what you’ve said in the past.

People respect the boundaries you’ve set for yourself.

People thank you for your input.

Which would you choose if your role in your friend group was a season (Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall)?

Winter, I’m necessary. I encourage folks to slow down and look inwards.

Fall, I’m dependable, and people know what to expect from me. I also bring folks together.

Summer, I’m the life of the party, duh.

Spring, I’m beloved, and also, I’m quick to disappear.

Your sister circle needs a refresh, something to rekindle the love amongst the group members. What are you suggesting for the activity?

I’d suggest we do something reminiscent of a past great memory. Something like going to where we first met or looking through old photos.

I’d suggest we find some time in nature. Something that will allow us to connect deeper with ourselves and, in turn, each other.

I’d suggest we do something where we can all talk about how we feel and why our collective light isn’t shining as brightly.

I’d suggest we do something new for all of us—something we’d all collectively have to face together.

When your sister circle is at its best, you feel

Like you are valued and belong amongst people you respect and admire.

Like you have valuable insights that are respected and revered.

Like you can be the freest version of yourself, you don’t have to hide the real you.

Like you are loved and maturing in a way that is serving you.

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The Leader

In chapter 5 of Sisterhood Heals, Dr. Joy writes, “In my experience working with Black women in groups, sisters tend to fall into one of four roles: The Leader, The Wallflower, The Firecracker, and The Peacemaker. These roles are not at all static or absolute. We actually may find ourselves moving in and out of different roles depending on the setting or situation, but they do give us some information about how we show up in communal spaces.”

According to your results, in your friendships, you are The Leader.

About You:

THE LEADER is the one who offers organization to the group. You are typically the one making sure the group gets together regularly, and you’re probably the one who organized the last get-together. You are also the one who often feels the most responsible for the emotional wellness of the group. It’s not uncommon for you to be the one checking in with others about how they’re feeling and making sure that the group stays tight-knit. In many cases, you are “the strong friend.” While your attention to detail and organizational skills keep you very involved with the group, it’s also very easy for you to be somewhat invisible because you spend a lot of time tending to others because you are seen to be more capable. Unfortunately, it isn’t always apparent that you need to be checked on as well.

Why Your Friends Love You:

You bring friends together. You’re always encouraging friendship.
You’re the glue holding everyone together.
You’re so thoughtful, always remembering to celebrate the friends around you.

How You Can Be A Better Friend:

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t need to always be “strong.”
Open up, and don’t forget to talk about yourself and your problems. Keep your friends in the loop so they can show up.
Allow the group to care for and nurture you. Allow them to pour into you as you’ve poured into them.

As a Leader, you’re in the company of iconic sistas like Joan Clayton (Girlfriends), Khadijah James (Living Single), and Moesha Mitchell (Moesha)!

While paying attention to the roles we play in a group can often provide insight into our strengths and where we naturally shine, it can also shed light on the areas that may be difficult for us and require some work. Learn more about “The Leader” and the three other friendship roles by purchasing your copy of Sisterhood Heals.

Purchase Your Copy of Sisterhood Heals

The Wallflower

In chapter 5 of Sisterhood Heals, Dr. Joy writes, “In my experience working with Black women in groups, sisters tend to fall into one of four roles: The Leader, The Wallflower, The Firecracker, and The Peacemaker. These roles are not at all static or absolute. We actually may find ourselves moving in and out of different roles depending on the setting or situation, but they do give us some information about how we show up in communal spaces.”

According to your results, in your friendships, you are The Wallflower.

About You:

THE WALLFLOWER is the sister within the group who generally sits quietly and listens as others talk. However, when you do speak, it’s super impactful. You are often paying more attention to what’s not being said than what is. You’re very loyal to the group and won’t typically miss any gatherings, but it’s also unlikely that you’ll be planning any of them. If there is a conflict in the group, you’d prefer to be left out of it. When we think about the phrase still waters run deep, we’d be thinking of you.

Why Your Friends Love You:

You know when something is bothering someone, even if they haven’t said anything about it.
You show up for your friends for both scheduled and unscheduled life events.
You allow other people the space and time to say what they need in a conversation.

How You Can Be A Better Friend:

Don’t just push conflict under the rug. Share your feelings with your friends when you have a conflicting point of view.
Ask your friends to show up for you as you do for them. Advocate for reciprocity.
Use your voice to influence the habits/choices of the friend group. Your ideas matter too.

As a Wallflower, you’re in the company of loving sistas like Savannah Jackson (Waiting to Exhale), Tisean “T.T.” Williams (Set it Off), and Niecy Jackson (Moesha)!

While paying attention to the roles we play in a group can often provide insight into our strengths and where we naturally shine, it can also shed light on the areas that may be difficult for us and require some work. Learn more about “The Wallflower” and the three other friendship roles by purchasing your copy of Sisterhood Heals.

Purchase Your Copy of Sisterhood Heals

The Firecracker

According to your results, in your friendships, you are The Firecracker.

About You:

THE FIRECRACKER is the sister who will say the thing that needs to be said, but not always gently. You, along with the leader of your group, tend to take up most of the space in the group. You’re likely the life of the party, but if the party goes off the rails, you’re also probably the one involved in that too. The group typically values your insights because you say the things that others won’t, and you are the one to call when you need someone to hype you up, need courage to do the hard thing or ride shotgun when a friend needs to defend themselves.

Why Your Friends Love You:

You’re honest with your friends and have a trusted word.
Nobody gives a better pep talk than you. You make your friends feel as unique and special as you see them.
You’re going to stand up for friends no matter the circumstances or obstacles.

How You Can Be A Better Friend:

Allow space for your friends to shine their light in the group. Use your light to brighten theirs.
Use words and language that invites other people to be open and vulnerable. Don’t create an unsafe environment.
Tell your friends when your feelings are hurt or when you’re feeling down. Be vulnerable.

As a Firecracker, you’re in the company of hilarious sistas like Maya Wilkes (Girlfriends), Molly Carter (Insecure), and Maxine Shaw (Living Single)!

While paying attention to the roles we play in a group can often provide insight into our

strengths and where we naturally shine, it can also shed light on the areas that may be difficult for us and require some work. Learn more about “The Firecracker” and the three other friendship roles by purchasing your copy of Sisterhood Heals.

Purchase Your Copy of Sisterhood Heals

The Peacemaker

According to your results, in your friendships, you are The Peacemaker.

About You:

THE PEACEMAKER is the sister who will send the text message that says, “We need to talk.” If two other sisters in the group have a conflict, you’ll likely have individual calls with both of them and then encourage them to hash out their issues. You are also likely to struggle with boundary-setting in the group and can easily fall into a pattern of people-pleasing. You tend to be very reliable, and the one folks want to call when they need someone to affirm them after a tough day.

Why Your Friends Love You:

You address conflict head-on.
You make your friends feel loved and supported.
You make 1:1 time for friends outside of the group.

How You Can Be A Better Friend:

Let your friends know when things don’t work for you. They’ll understand if you say “no.”
You don’t need to “fix” all the problems in the group. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.
Stop overextending yourself for the sake of the group. You want to give from your overflow.

As a Peacemaker, you’re in the company of grounding sistas like Synclaire James (Living Single), Lynn Searcy (Girlfriends), and Gloria Matthews (Waiting to Exhale)!

While paying attention to the roles we play in a group can often provide insight into our strengths and where we naturally shine, it can also shed light on the areas that may be difficult for us and require some work. Learn more about “The Peacemaker” and the three other friendship roles by purchasing your copy of Sisterhood Heals.

Purchase Your Copy of Sisterhood Heals