Who are you in SS/23?
Four big characters are defining the trends of the season. But which one are you?
Have you ever been to the Old Blue Last?
It's Friday night what are you wearing?
What do you do for work?
My go-to pair of shoes are:
Who are the best band ever?
I keep all my things in:
What does the word 'Prosecco' make you think of?
What's your timepiece of choice?
What would you consider an outlandish amount of money to spend on a burger?
Who would you vote for if there was an election tomorrow?
YOU ARE: THE YUMMY MONIED MUMMY
Darling! Back from school already? Mummy’s had a shocker, she went to that gruesome GP. It’s harder to get a slot there than my Hermès one-to-ones. Then the bastard laughed at my kaftan! I’m worried about my body temp, see. Teaches me to fly Mustique to Meribel! Don’t get me started on the packing. Cheer me up. Come to Julien MacDonald’s show on Sunday. Everyone’s taking their kids. Engulfing shades, outrageous clutch — you can borrow my Fendi. Pickle, please? He is your bloody godfather.
YOU ARE: THE NOT SO PERFECT ANGEL
Gweate choobes! Pardon, babe? Oh, you’ve got new filler. Let me do the talking. Like my wedges? Danke, chica — aren’t they very slutty! Café time? The cutest independent’s just round the corner. It’s actually called Fuckoffee. Y2Koconut lattes! And straws, please. You know, teeth whitening time of the month. Haven’t washed my denim in weeks though, I really love it grungy. Battered biker, mum’s old bag — but I did splash on the Swarovski. Honestly, wouldn’t you die for it?
YOU ARE: THE FRAZZLED ENGLISH WOMAN
Come on Smudgy, walk time. Christ, it’s flipping freezing. If you just stopped wriggling I could get your little coat on. Where’s my stupid scarf gone? I’d better put on two. Stripy,
itchy. Time to squeeze another cardi. Okay! Wait, where are my poo bags? Stuffed in an ancient leather satchel. Trapped in beaten Barbours. No, in these jeans. Jesus, woman, breathe — lead on, door locked. Fabulous! The birds have mucked all over the Peugeot. I had that washed on Wednesday.
YOU ARE: THE EAST 17 SPRINGSTEEN
Great jam, mate. I’ve actually got to dip, though. Got a date. Ha, alright yeah, lay off. I got the jeans for Christmas. No they’re not my Boy Scout patches. Bro, they’re Ralph Lauren. And these aren’t mules, they’re loafers — by a cool designer. She’s called, like, Martine Rose, I think. Not sure though, from my sister. Tartan shirt, grubby T — oh it’s dark already. I’ll Uber to Shoreditch House. Ha, I know. You just know it’s going to be nice, though. D’you know what I mean, mate?
