Discover your Conflict Style

Understanding your conflict style can help you navigate relationships more effectively. By recognising your tendencies, you can work toward healthier communication and conflict resolution strategies. Reflect on your results and consider how you can incorporate some on the strategies mentioned in your conflict management skills.

When you feel strongly about an issue, how do you express it?

I state my opinion assertively, even if it leads to conflict.

I tend to hold back my feelings to avoid confrontation.

I feel paralysed and struggle to articulate my thoughts.

I try to soften my words to avoid upsetting anyone.

I express my thoughts clearly and calmly, while also listening to the other person’s perspective.

When conflict arises, what do you usually do?

I face it head-on, no matter how uncomfortable it is.

I avoid it and hope it goes away.

I feel stuck and don’t know how to react.

I try to smooth things over and keep everyone happy.

I address it directly but respectfully, aiming to resolve it through honest communication.

In a conflict, how do you typically feel?

Energised and ready to tackle the issue.

Anxious and wanting to escape.

Numb and unable to process what’s happening.

Concerned about maintaining harmony.

I might feel upset, but I stay grounded and open to working through it with the other person.

When there’s tension in a relationship, what do you do?

I confront the issue directly.

I avoid the situation

I feel stuck/shut down and don’t know how to react.

I try to make everyone happy, even if it means sacrificing my needs.

I try to talk it through openly and check in with the other person to understand what’s going on.

How do you feel about confrontation?

I thrive on it and see it as a necessary part of relationships.

I dread it and will do anything to avoid it.

I freeze up and can’t think clearly.

I try to diffuse tension by agreeing with others.

I don’t love it, but I know it’s sometimes necessary. I try to approach it in a respectful, constructive way.

How do you respond to someone who is upset with you?

I defend myself and explain my perspective.

I withdraw and avoid them.

I freeze and don’t know how to respond.

I apologise, even if I don’t think I did anything wrong.

I listen to their concerns, reflect on my part, and try to repair any damage if I’ve hurt them.

What is your main concern during a disagreement?

To resolve the issue and express my feelings.

To avoid conflict at all costs.

To find a way to cope with the situation.

To ensure the other person feels heard and valued.

Maintaining mutual respect and understanding while resolving the issue.

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Fight conflict style

If you scored primarily in the "Fight" category, you tend to confront conflict head-on. You are assertive and passionate about your beliefs, often feeling energised by debates and discussions.

Behavior in Conflict:

You express your opinions openly and may come across as aggressive or confrontational.
You prioritise winning the argument and proving your point, sometimes at the expense of relationships.
You may struggle to listen to others' perspectives, focusing instead on defending your own or critising the other.
While your assertiveness can lead to resolution, it can also escalate tensions if not managed carefully.

Tips for Improvement:

Practice active listening to understand others' viewpoints.
Aim for collaboration rather than competition in discussions.
Be mindful of your tone and body language to avoid coming off as overly aggressive.
Practice speaking from how you feel rather than blaming the other or attacking.

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Flight conflict style

If you scored primarily in the "Flight" category, you tend to avoid conflict whenever possible. You may feel anxious or overwhelmed by confrontations and prefer to keep the peace.

Behavior in Conflict:

You often withdraw from discussions, hoping the issue will resolve itself over time.
You may change the subject or leave the room to escape uncomfortable situations.
While this approach can prevent immediate conflict, it may lead to unresolved issues and resentment.
You might find it challenging to assert your needs or opinions, which can impact your relationships negatively.

Tips for Improvement:

Practice expressing your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment, you can do this with a trusted loved one, a counsellor, or with yourself and your journal.
Set small goals for engaging in discussions, starting with less triggering topics.

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Freeze Conflict Style

If you scored primarily in the "Freeze" category, you may find yourself feeling paralysed during conflicts. You struggle to articulate your thoughts and may feel overwhelmed by the situation.

Behavior in Conflict:

You may become silent or disengaged, unable to respond to others’ comments or questions.
You might experience a sense of confusion or anxiety, leading to an inability to make decisions.
This style can result in unresolved conflicts, as you may avoid addressing issues directly.
Your tendency to freeze can lead to feelings of frustration, both for yourself and for others involved.

Tips for Improvement:

Practice grounding techniques to help manage anxiety during conflicts.
Take time to prepare your thoughts before entering a discussion.
Consider writing down your feelings or thoughts to clarify them before speaking.

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Fawn Conflict Style

If you scored primarily in the "Fawn" category, you often prioritise others' feelings over your own in conflict situations. You may go out of your way to keep the peace and avoid upsetting anyone.

Behavior in Conflict:

You tend to agree with others, even if it means sacrificing your own needs or opinions.
You may apologise frequently, often taking responsibility for issues that aren’t yours.
While your desire to maintain harmony can be admirable, it may lead to feelings of resentment or being unappreciated.
You might struggle to assert your boundaries, leading to an imbalance in relationships.

Tips for Improvement:

Practice self-advocacy by expressing your needs and opinions clearly.
Set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Reflect on your feelings and validate them, recognising that your needs are just as important as others'.

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Secure Attachment Style

You're comfortable with emotional intimacy and open communication. In times of conflict, you tend to stay calm, grounded, and focused on resolution rather than blame or withdrawal. You trust others and yourself, which helps you navigate tough conversations with respect and empathy. You’re able to express your needs clearly and also make space for others' feelings. This balance fosters healthy, stable relationships. Keep doing what you're doing!