What's Your Preferred Conflict Style?

There are 3 effective ways to manage conflict. Take this quiz to find out what your conflict style is.

Your results will show you what your communication strengths are, as well as potential pitfalls and ways to avoid them.

How do you feel about anger?

I never get angry. It's a useless emotion

Of course I get angry. I'm passionate about injustice.

I feel neutral about anger. I allow myself to feel it so I can express it respectfully.

What do you prefer to do if you're in a conversation that starts to escalate?

Stay calm, take some deep breaths and listen closely to what's being said.

Change the subject. "Hey, look at the time..."

Start thinking of important counter-arguments.

How do you tend to respond when you have a hunch someone is annoyed at you.

I ask them directly. It's super hard for me not to know what they're thinking.

I avoid them for a few days hoping the dust will settle. Life's too short for drama.

I find myself guessing why they're mad and then defending why I did what I did. I might be prickly next time I see them without even noticing.

After an argument with a romantic partner how do you prefer to make-up?

Passionate make-up sex.

Process the misunderstanding to understand what went wrong and learn from it.

Let the awkwardness dissipate and then choose a neutral topic of conversation.

Which do you value most?

Collaboration

Peace

Brutal honesty

How do you feel when an animated conversation starts to heat up around the water cooler?

Bring it on! I love a good debate.

Get me the heck out of here!

Okay, guys, everyone lower your voice and talk one at a time.

What do you think you could improve when it comes to your own conflict management skills?

Sometimes I wish my temper didn't get the best of me.

I need to learn how to "agree to disagree" instead of trying to figure out who's right and who's wrong.

I want to get better at advocating for myself.

What is your biggest strength when it comes to conflict management.

I keep it real. I want to hear all opinions even if they're different from my own.

I'm proud to be a peacemaker.

I'm really good at keeping a level head while listening to multiple differing opinions and making sure everyone feels understood.

Conflict Avoiding Style

Your preferred conflict style is Conflict Avoiding.

You prefer to avoid confrontation when possible and you value peace. When differences arise you tend to want to redirect the conversation to focus on similarities instead of differences. Your goal is to try to keep emotions light.

This style is incredibly effective and tends to contribute to a calmer and more peaceful environment. You enjoy smooth, light conversations that lack unnecessary drama.

There are two things for you to look out for with a Conflict Avoidant Style.

Resentment

Your discomfort with conflict could potentially build resentment.

The best way to avoid this is to make sure you are only letting the small things slide. Make sure to find a way to speak up about the things that are most important to you.

The second potential problem with a conflict-avoiding style is how other's might misinterpret your communication.

People Feeling Minimized

Your attempt to keep the peace might occasionally cause others to feel you are minimizing their experiences even though that is not your intention.

Choose your battles carefully, and make sure to push your comfort zone by being willing to have difficult conversations even though you'd rather retreat.

Want more communication techniques? Watch this free empathy video series to learn how to respond to your partner when they are in pain:

Empathy Made Easy: Free Mini Course for Couples

Volatile Conflict Style

Your conflict management style is Volatile.

You are passionate, honest and you like a good debate. When differences arise, you aren't afraid to express your opinions and you like to hear from others as well.

You enjoy humor and fondness even during conflict. You keep it real and like to be around people who do the same. You prefer this to small talk any day.

This conflict management style is incredibly effective in that everyone acknowledges the elephant in the room which leads to increased trust and authenticity. No one walks away wondering what the other person is thinking. Your conversations are intimate and full of passion.

One of the potential drawbacks of the Volatile Conflict Style is that it can be mistaken for hostility. When you're in conversations with people who aren't as comfortable with intense emotion, there are things you can do to avoid escalation.

Here are two problems that occur

Opinions Mistaken as Criticism

Even though your intention is not to be critical, it may sometimes land that way.

When you disagree with someone, it's important to remember that the way you express yourself matters. If you are mindful of how you are expressing yourself, it's less likely that your passion will be misunderstood.

2. Not Actually Listening to the Other Person or People

Your enjoyment of the debate might sometimes get in the way of you listening to other people. It's not that you don't value their opinions, it's just that you feel strongly about things and want to be heard.

The best way around this is to keep yourself in check and make sure you're making room for other people to have the floor.

Listen to understand instead of listening to respond. Watch this free empathy video series to learn how to respond to your partner when they are in pain:

Empathy Made Easy: Free Mini Course for Couples

Validating Conflict Style

Your preferred conflict style is Validating. You like to talk things through and you value listening, understanding and compromise. When differences arise you tend to express your feelings and opinions in a supportive collaborative manner.

This style is incredibly effective and leads to compromise, deep understanding, and emotional intimacy. Your conversations are important to you and you're willing to put the time in to make sure both of you feel understood.

Even though this style seems ideal, there are some things for you to look out for with a Validating Style.

Wasted Time Processing

The validating style can be time-consuming.

This is great if you're learning new things, but not so great if you're re-hashing things that would be better put to rest. Sometimes it's better to bite your tongue even if your feelings are hurt.

Save the difficult conversation for the important stuff so you can have more time to spend getting work done or having fun.

Other's Feeling You are Being Too Emotional

Another downside of the Validating Conflict Style is that not everyone values emotional expression as much as you do.

If you're in a conversation with someone who has a different conflict management style, it can be frustrating for both of you. Try not to convert the other person to your conflict style by encouraging them to talk about their feelings if they don't want to.

Want more communication techniques? Watch this free empathy video series to learn how to respond to your partner when they are in pain:

Empathy Made Easy: Free Mini Course for Couples