Is this prayer gonna cost you?
A bill in the Alabama House of Representatives could cut state funding by 25% to school districts that refuse to lead daily prayer for students in a way “consistent with Judeo-Christian values.”
Take the quiz to see if your prayer could cost you. Select the prayers that seem to meet that legal definition.
May no living creature suffer, commit evil, or ever fall ill. May no one be afraid or belittled, with a mind weighed down by depression.
This is a prayer of the Dalai Lama, a Buddist prayer, inconsistent with the requirements of the bill. It could cost Baldwin County Schools more than $50 million. Better luck next time.
As you told us, Lord, happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.
That’s right out of Psalms 137, in keeping with the Judeo-Christian tradition. Bash them babies.
Fill the heart with the oil of love. Place in it the wick of single-pointed mind. Light it with the knowledge of truth and remove the darkness of ignorance around you. Just as one lamp can light many lamps; let each youth kindle this light in many hearts.
That’s a Hindu prayer. We can’t have all that “light of knowledge” bunk in Alabama schools. It could cost Hoover schools more than $23 million.
Let us be blessed like the poor and the meek, and the hungry and merciful. And remind us to beware those rich guys. As you told us, it’s easier to stick a camel through a needle than get one of those guys into Heaven.
That’s right out of the mouth of Jesus. Who Alabama legislators love on their way to becoming big fat camels.
Beer’s good, whiskey’s best, help me Jesus, pass this test.
You’ll never take beer and test prayer out of the mouths of kids.
As Moses prayed, open for me my breast and ease for me my task, and untie the knot from my tongue that they may understand my speech.
That’s right out of the Quran. Jews, Christians and Muslims may have all sprung from Abrahamic roots, but it’s pretty clear the Alabama Legislature doesn’t consider the Quran Judeo-Christian. It could cost Shelby County about $37 million.
Oh Lord, help those men and women in the Alabama Legislature. They’ve taken food from the mouths of children, medicine from the sick and hope from the hopeless. They cast your people into prisons without mercy, rail against the poor and the immigrant. They’ve seen the sick and the hungry in their own land, and passed by on the other side of the street. They’ve done it in your name. Have mercy on their souls.
This one is safe. And accurate. And meets the letter of the law.
Sign up for John Archibald's weekly newsletter.
Columnist John Archibald uncovers things you don't know and need to know about corruption and fairness in Alabama, with humor and heart. Sign up to get his free newsletters in your inbox every Tuesday.
Amen to that
Congratulations. You know more about freedom of religion than the Alabama Legislature.