Are You GOOD, CROOKED, HIGH, or HORNY?

Some days you just can't tell whether you're Good (the dog), Crooked (the raccoon), High (the hawk), or Horny (the deer). This quiz is here to help!

No matter your result, there's room for us all on this big ol' planet. Hell, you might be crooked one day and horny the next. It's all relative, right?

So, raise your Busch Light to the sky and sing it with me: Here's to the Good & the Crooked & the High & the Horny!

You're finally going out on the town with your friends after months in quarantine. You decide to wear...

Jeans and t-shirt

A pearl-snap shirt with your nicest Tony Lamas

Sweatpants because nothing else fits

Britches to show off that honky tonk badonkadonk

You're sneaking out of your parents' house and get caught. You...

Apologize, then try again an hour later.

Tell them the whole truth and shuffle back to bed in disgrace.

Sneak your sweetheart into your house instead.

Tell yourself your parents aren't actually there, you're just really high.

Vacation time! Where are you going?

Amsterdam

Jamaica

Iceland

Mexico

A genie will grant you 3 wishes. What's your first wish?

World peace

All the riches

The girl/boy of your dreams

Pizza

And your second wish?

A mansion

A beautiful singing voice

An exotic cat as a pet

A yacht

Last but not least, your third wish?

To be a pro athlete

To be a great scientist

To be a rockstar

To be a backup dancer for J-Lo

GOOD (the dog)

Hot DOG, you're Good! Sam and I always had a feeling about ya.

You're one of the good ones. You're a loyal friend and are always there to drive a buddy home when he's had too many Busch Lights. It's people like you that make this world a better place to live. Thank you for being you!

CROOKED (the raccoon)

You're as Crooked as Uncle Bud's smile after he steps out for "a walk" at Thanksgiving dinner.

You've got a mischievous side about ya, but I can respect that. There's one wily raccoon in every bunch that trouble just seems to follow. You have a good heart that sometimes needs a little taste of the wild side. Keep your friends close and enjoy the ride!

HIGH (the hawk)

You, my friend, are flyin' High!

You're not good and you're not bad -- you just go with the flow. Besides, who's to say what's good 'n' what's bad? What even is good and bad? Are we all just passengers, floatin' along on the back of a giant Red-Tailed hawk? I can't feel my face.

HORNY (the deer)

Well. This is awkward.

I knew someone someday was gonna get this result... I should've known it'd be you!

You're a Horny ol' buck. And no matter how much you beg, I'm not gonna help you out in this department. The best advice I can give you is to curl up next to that big, beautiful Busch Light, crack 'er top, and see where the night takes ya. Cheers!